What Cambodia Taught Me About Gendered Silence

I went to Cambodia expecting to talk about gender. I was there to conduct women’s empowerment workshops, learn from local leaders and contribute in any small way I could. I knew I’d learn a lot that would stay with me. But I wasn’t prepared for the silence – and how loud it would feel.

Because, for all the energy and excellence that the women I met radiated, there were still gaps in what was taught, talked about, and understood. Gaps that didn’t just surprise me, but deeply unsettled me.

Tightening Creams and Quiet Expectations

When conducting research on women’s health while I was there, it was brought to my attention that “vagina tightening” products were popular. Products that aren’t medically necessary and don’t bring users any sense of comfort. Just because, if you put it on it might make your husband happy.

This is simply accepted, mostly because it’s not widely known that these products don’t work – or that they could be harmful.

And recognising that, I felt the discomfort of witnessing something so unfair, yet so normalised. Not because these women were helpless victims (far from it) – but because the pressure was still there, weighing on them in ways it never should.

Skin Whitening and the Price of Beauty

To add to these demanding expectations, I kept seeing ads for whitening creams all over the place – for your face, your arms, your entire body. Products that promised to lighten and brighten women’s skin. And the message was everywhere: lighter is better. Paler is prettier.

The women I met had such natural beauty – honestly. But still, the pressure was there. Lighter skin didn’t just mean looking “good” – it meant status, validation, and being seen. All wrapped up in one skin tone.

It wasn’t vanity. It was just the norm. And I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable about it  – because I recognised it. The context was different, but the message wasn’t new. It made it clear to me that beauty rules aren’t about us – they’re about control, and that message crosses borders.

Lessons That Never Came

Yet, this control over women’s lives wasn’t limited to beauty – it was also about what information was missing. While I was there, I learnt that “lack of education” isn’t always about school attendance. It’s about access to:

• Honesty

• Safe spaces

• Language to understand and explain female health

And without access to these, it was normal to not know about periods, menopause, or even how to use pads or tampons. It became clear that no one had ever properly equipped the local girls with the kind of basic knowledge so many of us take for granted – a reality that's as heartbreaking as it's unfair.

This made me think back to the beginning of my own period. It wasn’t perfect, but I’d had school lessons, awkward chats with adults and diagrams in leaflets. These girls just had myths, whispers, and, for a few, a short school session that barely scratched the surface.

This made me wonder what else they hadn’t been taught that I’d be lucky enough to learn – and how much of their lives were shaped by that absence. What life choices did they have to make without the facts they needed?

This is exactly why I strongly believe that advocacy for education isn’t just important, it’s absolutely essential for creating real change.

Not Victims – But Leaders

Despite all the injustice I observed, what's really stuck with me is just how much was being held up by women. They were the backbone of their communities – supporting and lifting each other up. And, I have to add – I did meet some incredible, kind men who were part of the effort, not absent from it.

But the women I met were leaders – not always formally, but practically. They weren’t talking about empowerment; they were just living it with quiet strength and quiet confidence.

That complexity, that co-existence of strength and silence, empowerment and expectation was impossible to ignore. It got me thinking about how easy it is to simplify gender issues in “other” places. We assume we know what oppression looks like and where the line between choice and conditioning lies – but we are wrong.

What I Took With Me

Since I left Cambodia I have carried both beautiful and difficult stories. I have so much admiration for the women who welcomed me and shared their insights – and I don’t think I will ever let them go.

But there’s also a part of me that still feels unsettled. Knowing that things we’d call “basic” like understanding your body and being able to ask questions safely, are still out of reach for many. That’s why I’m sharing these experiences: to remind us all how crucial it is to stand together and fight for each other, no matter where we are.

Cambodia didn’t just teach me about inequality, it showed me the meaning of strength and complexity. It has reminded me that empowerment doesn’t have to be protests and headlines, it can be keeping things moving, even when the world makes it harder than it should be.