I Didn’t Know It Was More Than Insecurity: Living with Body Dysmorphia

For years, I believed my daily rituals, scrutinising every mirror, checking my reflection in shop windows, begging friends not to post group photos, were just part of being self-conscious. The result? I deleted hundreds of photos from my childhood and teen years, awkward, yes, but in reality beautiful and now gone forever.

I thought this kind of self-criticism was normal, even expected. It wasn’t until I started researching how to escape this mindset that I stumbled across the question: Have you ever heard of Body Dysmorphic Disorder? That was the moment I paused. Could this relentless self‑surveillance be more than low confidence? How will I ever be just enough as I am?

When Self‑Critique Becomes a Disorder

According to the NHS, Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) is an anxiety disorder closely related to obsessive‑compulsive disorder. It’s not just about disliking how you look, it’s when that distress becomes obsessive, consuming your thoughts and daily life. You might have BDD if you:

• Worry intensely about a specific area of your body, most often the face.

• Spend hours comparing your appearance to other people’s.

• Check mirrors compulsively, or avoid them altogether.

• Pick at your skin in an attempt to make it look “smooth."

• Go to great lengths to conceal perceived flaws, like applying makeup, styling hair or spending hours choosing clothes.

  
  

BDD is diagnosed when these behaviours become repetitive and difficult to control, when they feel impossible to resist, and when they significantly interfere with your work, relationships and quality of life.

I ticked every box. My day started and ended with a mirror, scanning for flaws no one else could see. I didn’t just wear concealer, I layered it on, again and again, trying to erase eye bags, acne scars, redness. It was never enough. Getting dressed often ended in tears, surrounded by outfits that suddenly didn’t fit or feel right.

Even a simple invitation, drinks with friends, a birthday dinner, became a mental calculation: would they notice the bloat, the breakout, the defect I couldn't unsee? I cancelled more plans than I can count, not because I didn’t care, but because I couldn’t bear being seen. I compared myself to the people I loved and convinced myself I didn’t deserve to be there. Over time, those missed moments strained friendships. And still, I told myself it was “just insecurity.”

The Heavy Toll of a Distorted Self‑Image

It wasn’t just nights out I missed, it was chances to shine in my career, too. At university, I struggled to speak up in seminars, haunted by the fear that everyone could see something “off” about me. Every morning, I’d spend hours agonising over what to wear, even if I was just heading to the library alone.

As a recent graduate, stepping into the professional world, BDD crept into interviews and assessment centres. I lost out on a job recently. Rather than accept it was about experience or qualifications, I spiralled, convinced my appearance cost me the role. At the assessment centre, I hated judging other women by their looks instead of their brains or achievements. But the comparisons were relentless, leaving me disconnected from my mind and body, I became a stranger to myself.

 

Why We Mistake BDD for “Normal” Insecurity

In our image-obsessed culture, comparison feels routine, the perfect selfie, the seamless filter, the endless parade of “ideal” bodies. Yet BDD differs from insecurity in crucial ways:

• Fixation on one feature: Thoughts loop relentlessly, hour after hour

• Compulsive rituals: Behaviours feel impossible to resist, even when you know they worsen your distress

• Significant life disruption: Work, social life and relationships suffer, not just occasional self‑doubt

  
  

It wasn’t until I read about BDD on the NHS site that I realised my mirror-checking wasn’t normal, even for the self-conscious. While insecurity causes a passing thought, BDD took over my every waking moment.

Finding Light in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

The NHS points to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) as a key treatment, helping people face mirror triggers without falling into compulsive behaviours. For more severe cases, medication like SSRIs can help rebalance brain chemistry.

Beyond therapy and meds, support groups offer a lifeline, providing practical advice, shared experiences, and a sense of community for those living with body dysmorphia. Don’t hesitate to ask your GP about support groups in your area.

Causes of Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)

While the exact causes of BDD remain unclear, it’s often linked to:

• Genetics: Having a family history of BDD, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), or depression can increase the risk.

• Brain chemistry: Imbalances in certain chemicals may play a role.

• Trauma: Past experiences like bullying, teasing, or abuse, especially in childhood, can contribute.

  
  

For me, it was the relentless bullying over my appearance and weight growing up that planted the seeds of BDD.

Breaking the Silence Around  BDD

If my story sounds familiar, you are not alone. Yet so many suffer in silence, fearful of being labelled vain or dramatic. We must shift the narrative:

• Educate friends, families and colleagues on BDD’s distinct symptoms, so comparisons between insecurity and disorder no longer blur.

• Encourage early help‑seeking by sharing personal experiences and recommended resources.

• Advocate for mental‑health screening in schools, universities and workplaces to catch BDD before it escalates.

  
  

What Needs to Change: Towards a Culture of Compassion

Body dysmorphia thrives where silence reigns. To break its grip, we must:

1. Raise Public Awareness

   • Launch campaigns that distinguish healthy self‑care from harmful compulsions.

   • Include BDD in broader mental‑health education alongside anxiety and depression.

     
     

2. Improve Professional Training

   • Equip GPs, school counsellors and workplace wellbeing teams to recognise BDD symptoms.

   • Ensure prompt referral to CBT or specialist services.

     
     

3. Hold Social Media to Account

   • Demand transparency from platforms on the impact of filters and beauty ads.

   • Promote diverse, unedited images to challenge harmful ideals.

     
     

4. Foster Peer Support

   • Encourage the formation of local and online BDD support groups.

   • Share success stories to inspire those still struggling to seek help.

     
     

Moving Forward

BDD is not vanity. It’s a serious mental health battle that millions fight in silence. Naming it is the first step to breaking free. If any part of my story hits home, don’t wait, reach out. Talk to your GP, explore therapy options, and find support groups.

We owe it to ourselves and each other to challenge the stigma, call out harmful beauty standards, and demand better mental health care. Only by speaking up and standing together can we shift the narrative, breaking through the silence to build real understanding and connection. 

Let’s rewrite the story. You are more than enough, just as you are.